My internet friend Tommy Tissue Tendons, who used to have a hilarious bouldering blog but now has sold out to spammers (how much did they pay?), asked me to elaborate on my tiny version of the v13 workout. We’ll call it the v4++ workout.
Now, I’m not a trainer, and I don’t know what I’m talking about, and I made this up, and after I did it I was convinced that I had given myself permanent tendonitis in all of my elbows, shoulders, lats, etc. I will never do this workout again. Ever. That said, here it is:
Ok, that v13 workout is a repeated circuit of 3 10-minute rounds of exercise, each round targetting a different kind of movement – push, pull, or hang. Ideally you do it 3-6 sets for a 2 hour session. Whatever. I also included my max-out points here, for time reference and so you can try to best me! (motivation!)
I did 5-minute rounds instead of the prescribed 10, because I found I could not do “things” “continuously” for 10 “minutes”.
I added a 4th category called “core” where I did floor and hanging ab-targeted stuff.
I could only do 1 set of 4 5-minute rounds, to the official 4 sets of 3 10-minute rounds. This workout takes 20 minutes.
All the exercises have to be done, for me, with perfect perfect super form. A form break (legs bending or pumping, arching my back, or favoring one of my sides, means max-out/failure)
A rest is about 1:30, with an additional :30 for setting up the next round.
I did this at a gymnastics gym, with no hangboard or climbing stuff. You could do it at a good workout park too, or at home on a rings/bar/hangboard.
Round 1 “push”
dips on parallel bars (can be done on rings i guess) to max-out (15 for me)
push ups to max (25 for me)
shrug ups (hang between parallel bars, do a deep shrug with my shoulders, then push it up to lengthen my neck) (10-15)
repeat, lowering the reps by 5 each time, and by the time you’re doing 5 or fewer of each, five minutes is almost up.
Round 2 “pull”
pull ups, regular chin-up grip, to max-out (15 for me)
pull ups, backward (palms facing) grip, to max-out
hanging shoulder shrugs
pull downs with theraband (tie a theraband around a table or doorknob, lie down with bent knees holding the band straight above your eyes in both hands and some slack in the band. Pull with straight arms, to the floor. Keep your spine on the ground and use the shoulder blades to do this one)
repeat, decreasing reps as you slowly die, for five minutes.
Round 3, “Core”
hang from a bar, with some back wall support if you have it for these:
straight leg lifts, toes to the bar if flexibility allows, or to parallel (perfect form I can manage about 5 of these)
tuck lifts, same thing but keep the knees pulled in super tight to your chest, feet touch the wall behind you, repeat. these are easier, I can do about 12.
one-leg lifts, point one leg down straight, and lift the other up as high as you can, then circle it outward to go down (like you’re drawing a big circle with your toe), repeat with the next leg. then reverse it, circling up and coming straight down. these are weird. i do 5 on each leg, each direction.
straight leg lateral lifts – lift straight legs out to the side about 20 degrees toward the centerline, lower them down and up the other
side with total control and no momentum. I can do 3 sets without a form break, maybe.
tuck lateral lifts – tuck the knees to come up to the side, straighten the legs, move them across high, lower in a tuck, repeat coming from that side. I can do 2 sets, ug.
it should be close to five minutes now, if not, lay down and put your legs up the wall, butt up against the wall too, and curl up as high into a crunch as you can with hands behind your head and elbow wide, pulse until it’s time
Round 4, “hang”
hang from a bar (or board, although I only had a bar) in a locked off pull up position to max out
hang straight armed with an open palm on jugs or a bar in the tippy top of a shoulder shrug to max out
hang straight armed with an open 3-knuckle grip (or less, i was on a bar like i says) no effort below the hands to max out
hang from one arm, any grip, body super tight and still
hang from the other arm
cut off your arms and upper back
put in blender
So that was it. Let me know if those descriptions don’t make sense to you and you really, really want to do them. Also tell me if you do it and like/hate it! I’m curious.