So now that I’ve had some time to reflect, and climb at Rodellar which is such a soul-nourishing experience, I’m getting some perspective on the Ceuse thing. It was horrible. I didn’t mention this while it was happening on account of I was embarassed, but I think I cried every day that I was there, except my two rest days, where I did cry once out of joy. I cried while climbing, I cried while trying to sleep in the freezing cold, I cried when facing the hike, I was just sad. It wasn’t even my normal frustrated crying because I can’t send big scores and I’m disappointed in myself thing. I’m kind of getting over that, and content to live in v4++ land forever. At Ceuse I was crying because I truly believed that if I fell I would die or permanently injure myself. And I can’t climb through that kind of feeling. And I don’t think I ever want to be able to. On my last day there I was mulling over the possibility of staying for a few more weeks, to see if I could get better and more comfortable, maybe send, dare I imagine, a 7a. But then as I was crying on Berlin wall over a move I had just made without a problem, I decided no. This was not even close to fun.
I was explaining this to some Australian’s last night, and one asked “so would you go back?”
But ok I would. If I was with a partner who was super psyched, and who I trusted, and who is more experienced and comfortable than I am at that vertical angle and style, and who could handle some crying, and we stayed for a full month or something, I would go back. Otherwise, I’m over it. Viva Espana!